


regrets

by gaiasash



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Post-Apocalypse, lol but like.....x men apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-04-30 14:59:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14499513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaiasash/pseuds/gaiasash
Summary: rebuilding takes timeand time is difficult when your brain won't stay quiet





	regrets

do you think Ororo regrets saying yes?  
do you think later, when she can't sleep, because sleep is harder in the mansion than her noisy Egyptian shack, she thinks about the ruins of Cairo? is its image burned into her mind? do you think she ever goes back to look for her old home? she never finds it. so much rubble looks alike, and searching is so hard by herself, would be infinitely harder with help. there's no return for her. a vengeful god stole her past and her present and she knows he could have taken her future too, if he'd had the desire. so she starts over. she builds a future for herself.  
  
do you think Scott regrets wasting time?  
at home, at school, at the mall, once. do you think he wonders every night for months what he could have changed? when his powers are unpredictable, when he controls them with a visor instead of his mind, do you think some part of him screams that Alex was infinitely better?  
do you think he makes himself remember Alex sometimes, when he's terrified of forgetting? how many memories of Alex does he even have, truthfully? a handful of hazy childhood moments, playing catch in middle school, once the zoo. the day he left for Vietnam, when Scott was six. Alex fighting with their parents. Alex teaching him how to drive.  
he buries it as deep as possible when he's with the others, hopes Jean won't feel it in him. (but, of course, she does. she feels everything.) he clings to what he has. someday, maybe, he won't need to cling anymore.  
  
do you think Jean regrets letting go?  
she can recall, in her dreams, the feeling of fire and energy and power emanating from her, burning in the most wonderful and terrible way. do you think she can do it again? do you think she would do it again if she could?  
there's a danger to a power like that, one the others don't understand. it's limitless, and that terrifies her. she doesn't deserve limitless. you don't think about control when you have limitless power. maybe that's what scares her the most. she knows it's irrational, she knows how hard her mind works to keep it at bay, how careful she is, but sometimes she imagines letting go in her room at night, or on the grounds, or during class, the destruction and the pain and the ecstasy that would follow. then she shuts her eyes and focuses on anything else, because even a thousand hopeless voices are better than that.  
she doesn't know if she can ever let go again.

 do you think they will ever stop regretting? each of them, learning once again to be a teenager and not a weapon. do you think they will come out stronger on the other end?

**Author's Note:**

> this is short and old but i feel good about it and its been living alone in my notes and i also feel weird about having only the one dead poets society fic up...thats not who i am. i was writing it because i love peter but then his section was my least favorite so he did not make the cut. sorry pete.


End file.
